It was too dark to see much of anything, 

other than the silouette of a white sheer headscarf covering your face

I was drawn toward the cavernous darkness,

surrounded by a shadow, lit by the edges of the crescent moon

The darkness gave me an eerie comfort,

as I had been there many times before

Thinking that shame had created every waking fabric of my being,

knowing it was the pen that wrote many of my scripts

or the patches on my quilt that completed me

When I walked along side you, I could hear your footsteps,

words are unnecessary, and I know the imprints of the past are behind me

Why do you awaken so fiercely, when I am unprepared for your defening roar?

Should I numb all my humanness, to keep from succumbing to the schoolyard scars?

Your whispers unleash all my secrets, only known to me

When you startle me, I become something foreign to myself

What teachings haven’t I learned, that you persist like the plague?

Can you not live without me in a world filled with the egos of a thousand kings?

Should I once and for all, love you for eternity

so I may finally let you go

As we turned to embrace and console each other, you disappeared

As my fear of you, had been the only thing that kept you alive

The patches were meaningless without thread,

I knew then, that each piercing needle through my skin,

reminded me of who I didn’t want to be

February 11, 2016

Carl Meadows