I believe in life, many of our adult struggles and pain come from the metaphor of the playground. This is a poem that captures that primal need to belong and the ache that ensues when we get left behind.
As I stood against the shimmering sky, I waited for you, as if you were the most important moment of my becoming
I waited in anticipation of the laughter and the belonging, that comes with a moment on the swings
The running around the bushes and the counting to ten, as everyone scatters and hides
The climbing of the poplars and the pretending that comes when you are standing on the top of the world, as the rooftops appear like doll houses
The feelings that come with belonging to something bigger than ourselves and the proud elation that happens as the stories of the playground make us worthy
As I sat on the tidder todder, it became apparent, that I was alone and there would be no saviour to elevate me. Emotions felt like a hundred arrows
Was the invitation to the playground a ploy to watch me sit at the brunt of giggles and sneers. Was I the only one who missed the joke?
I sat by myself for what felt like days, as the setting sun hit my brow and I knew it was time to pull myself from the aftermath of aloneness
I walked home with my empty handed memories, and I knew that the playground, would now be forever, an eternal ache as I walked home alone with a throat sore, from swallowing so many tears
I knew then, in the playground of life, I would never wait again
July 15, 2015