When I was a child around 10 years old I was sexually assaulted. I made a choice many years ago to stop treating it as a dirty secret. Although it had devastating impacts on my self-esteem, it created the man I am today. In the media recently there has been discussions of rape and sexual assault. In my case I was raped by a female (she was our babysitter) over a long period of time. In my view, society has a double standard when it comes to males and rape. The first time I told an adult about the assault, they asked me if the girl was hot; that shut me down for over 20 years. Feel to heal and tell to get well. Stolen Soft skin, curious eyes, tender touch Wanting love; bird with a broken wing Searching, craving, longing Easter egg in a room of hammers Salmon eggs in a river with no water Quenching for tenderness in a house of fists You saw me quivering Stillness of nighttime Taking hand in darkness …

Have you ever had an experience where you wanted to say something to someone so badly but your ego got in the way? If you could write a letter what would it say? A Letter In The Wind I wrote a letter the other day I lifted it up, and it blew away It flew so far, I couldn’t see beyond the sky, Not clear whom it was it written for, you or I? shaking hands danced, while the ink stained the paper. tears dropping like blue puddles; the first rain on parched soil I wondered if my truth would ever find its place Would it spend a lifetime drifting, and dancing, evading its fate? Would it ever find peace on solid ground? With only a name to define its significance A lifetime came and went I thought youth would have lingered longer than it did A Restless heart, time stopped being my friend How could life have progressed so fast? When I thought I had abundance of years to reconcile my injured past My …

There are times in life where a feeling of love gets frozen in a time capsule. Then one day it shows up many years later and the memories are intoxicating and heart wrenching. This is a poem about unforgotten love, the bittersweet sense of good-byes and the thaw of memories that replenish your soul. Hello Mr. Good-bye Hello Mr. Good-bye I saw you waiting for me a while ago When we met the first time I was too young to understand The full impact of our encounter A lifetime came and went Looking at you again required grief to consume every piece of my flesh I tried to resist, but I’m powerless against your presence If emotions are currency, I’m suddenly rich again That evening so many heartbreaking years ago Where the tears stained the pillowcase, and we watched each other breathe into the night the same night I learned your name When I saw you waiting for me this time I recognized you the moment we met Desperately tying to align the pieces of …

In our world of media, this is a Poem that represents the collision between narcism, needing validation and our cultural addiction to connection, leading to our increasing social isolation. The Eyes of Medusa Who has seen the eyes of Medusa? Ugliness so profound it turns your human shell to stone The same ugliness rooted in self-hate A paradox to behold when vanity infects your vision of the world Who has lead your soul to the reflective pond? A “selfie”, “facebook post”, “instagram”; imagery to be worshiped Who is the nemesis that draws us toward this curse? So strong is the pull, the internal death is slow and insidious A cruel irony; insatiable hunger for validation An eternally empty bowl A world moves on without us the lure pulls you towards the waters edge like an invisible rope around our neck Transfixed by our very own insecurities Time shows itself soon enough Once stunning and youthful The ultimate paradox Staring at your reflection to realize you are looking into the eyes of Medusa Carl Meadows February …

There are many times in life where there is something emotional and visceral going on within ourselves and the perception of events supersede the reality; This is where fear and possibility meet~Life’s great intersection. The Spiders Lair As I stood on the precipice and opened my wings My heart began to dance and my soul to sing With boundless possibilities and an open sky I stepped out from the ledge, and closed my eyes The wind pulled me up and the current gave me a lift Who would have thought the winds, would suddenly shift? What seemed like a lifetime, would abruptly stop Suddenly peering into haunting eyes, stuck in one spot Shards of color canvas resting in unfamiliar bundles Night seemed like day, and day seemed like night Waiting in fear of the terrible bite Time became endless and glaring became normal Would I die in this place, or realize my dreams of tomorrow Would these eyes even care to see my possibility and hope Or would it focus on spinning me with the …

Here is the story of a man who said yes (Jim Deva) to my request in 2001 to go door-to-door collecting funds for the Aaron Webster Reward Fund. We eventually collected 12,000 and had the Police Board match the donations. Prior to this, the Vancouver City Police were not allies of the gay community. The work with the Vancouver City Police, Jim Deva and myself was the epicentre for the Community Policing Offices, and the GLBT Liaison Position with the Police. At his memorial service I realized how much the world changed. His-story I heard his-story fall on the floor today I scrambled to put the memories in sequence Those early days when we didn’t understand the magnitude of our calling Standing in the fierce wind of resistance We were not alone The vision was transforming in front of our eyes I heard history fall on the floor today and cried with joy The world changed and we forgot to thank her Today was one thousand thank-yous Carl Meadows September 27, 2014