All posts tagged: Poem

Fear

As I laid down beside you, I let every bit of air leave my lungs You were everything I thought you were, and I must let you go You covered me with an anointed oil that has no antidote the residue is something I have come to accept I outlined your silhouette, with my hand  I touched my heart as if it was a tangible object to stroke and console At times your presence has provoked my inner child moreover, you have reminded me of my pure humanness please let me lay beside you, so I can stare into your reflection I promise I won’t need you forever  Only tonight, when I need to hear you breathe when I awaken, I know you will be gone as the first blinding ray of sunlight enters my room I will know, you have let me go Carl Meadows April 14, 2016

Don’t Count Me Out

As I crawled from my childhood battlefield, I remembered the voices of hope, like a permanent etching in my mind I was never good enough, strong enough, quiet enough every time I had “an idea”, it caused the stone figures to shudder The forces of conformity weighted on me like a hundred bricks The passcode was easy to remember; “do what we say, not what we do” At times I felt the aloneness, as if I was taking the last possible drop of water yet, through hope, I always believed another tear would quench me And then the test began, like a lightning storm in a forgotten dessert You were there to feel the bolt You may have scarred me, torn at my skin and even made me weep  But you will never change the fabric of me My power isn’t one of dominance, ego or dishonesty  It is the most frightening one of all As I touch the hearts of those who know me through kindness, you will never know love, peace or redemption  …

Gum Girl

Gum girl Who would you be, if you could see the perils of me As you reach for my finger and tell, about the gum you have to sell What if your joy was richer than mine; would we see through a window or hide through a blind What if your smile meant everything to me; it’s not worth a dollar if I have no time to “be” What if your happiness captured everything I’m not; would I give it all up to sit with my mom in one spot The laughter and smiles and mud puddle jumps, makes everything better in a world full of bumps Life is precious as time moves on, I’ll dream of the girl with the gum from now on~ Carl Meadows January 5, 2015

Playground

I believe in life, many of our adult struggles and pain come from the metaphor of the playground. This is a poem that captures that primal need to belong and the ache that ensues when we get left behind. Playground As I stood against the shimmering sky, I waited for you, as if you were the most important moment of my becoming I waited in anticipation of the laughter and the belonging, that comes with a moment on the swings The running around the bushes and the counting to ten, as everyone scatters and hides The climbing of the poplars and the pretending that comes when you are standing on the top of the world, as the rooftops appear like doll houses The feelings that come with belonging to something bigger than ourselves and the proud elation that happens as the stories of the playground make us worthy As I sat on the tidder todder, it became apparent, that I was alone and there would be no saviour to elevate me. Emotions felt like a …

Poem: Jumping on the Rocks

Jumping on the rocks Here’s a wee tale about me as a boy, I dreamed of flying but my mother warned That I would scrape my head or end up dead But in the end, I played in puff the magic dragon instead There came a time where I had to say good bye, To friends I had, adventures I made; off to a new journey in a land far away My hands broke way, to the friends I had made I dreamed real big as I left my spot, Jumping and singing, of to the next rock My hands broke way, to the friends I had made But I looked to the next and I could see my dreams far away As I jumped on the rocks, with my biological clock, I could hear the ticking and my skin began shrinking My dreams not far away, what could I say? Jumping on the rocks, leaving the past Creating space for tomorrows dreamers Adding new rocks to the river as I create a new path …

Poem: The illusion of masculinity

The illusion of masculinity Surfacing from the ashes, my stubble and mustache appeared Once a secret only known to me, I could now become whole and complete as I showed my masculine prowess Sculpted with muscles and a scent of musk, my hunger gripped me like a mirage; eating through the eyes of lust was an ultimate betrayal The power I felt knowing I was wanted, superseded the wisdom it took to be a man All I could do was imagine the possibility of shaking the male world into submission The ultimate image of power and confidence a few feet in front of me I reached into my leather sack and pulled out the most threatening weapon of all I placed them on my feet and walked amongst the crowds My masculinity caused a severe vulnerability amongst men The heals would threaten the most iconic images of manhood As I lifted my head amongst such fascination and distain, I rose above them all; I turned my head and walked into the future The illusion of masculinity …

Poem: Mother

Posted with permission. As I prepare to give my mom her 7 year sobriety cake on Tuesday evening, I wanted to share one of my most personal poems. I asked my mom if I could share the poem I wrote her after her first year when she was presented with her medallion and she said yes. Mother As a little boy you held my hand You protected me fiercely You took a stand As a sensitive child you wiped my face From the tears of discrimination That my spirit couldn’t face You held me up for the world to see Loving me as I was You saw the beauty in me Over the years, the spirit became poisoned By the drink of choice Despite the warning voices My child inside wanted to curl up and die As any evening with the drink would be soon be filled with lies I let down my mom What a terrible son Could you not see it coming? Was the rant I kept running. Not from a judgmental son …

Poem: If tomorrow didn’t come

If tomorrow didn’t come Today’s a day like any day Did I walk past a bird and forget to notice its song Did I worry about something meaningless that’s faded away, and now gone Did I forget to let my parents know I love them more now, than ever before Did I forget to tell my lover “I love you” before I closed the door Did I forget to tell my sisters how much they mean to me All our childhood memories That created the man I became to be Did I forget to tell grandma how much she meant Was it too late when I came through the door, to see her time clock was spent What if tomorrow didn’t arrive Would I have spent all my “I love you’s” Or have a stockpile inside Every second, of every day this story plays out Have you expressed your love or sadly held out If tomorrow didn’t come, what would you do? Do it today, as the hourglass may be staring at you Carl Meadows …

Poem: They came in the night

In 2010 my husband and I, took our 3 nieces to Berlin and visited Sachsenhausen death camp where over 6000 Gays were killed. Under article 175 of the penal code they were arrested by the SS. The irony, is the niece that grabbed my hand and said; “uncle it will be ok” while I was sobbing, came out of the closet as lesbian years later. I will never forget. They came in the night As I walked thought the gates of this horrible place Wondering how many like me had marched, on their untimely fait As the SS came, sweeping homes in the night To take gays away to an unknown site A place far away, so cold and grey When lovers are separated so quickly, what could they say? Could love be such a crime that you would murder for the third Reich? As hands crossed hands, and eyes met eyes Station Z became the final stop for those who refused to lie As my feet walked along the camp of others destiny How …

Poem: Loner

Loner I can only see you when you are not there I listen through the ear of whispers Noticing my existence, was about who I wasn’t I wasn’t like the other boys, I wasn’t focused, I wasn’t welcome, I wasn’t good enough to fit in I was followed, silently as if there was something to emerge, unbeknownst to I As if walking through a field of land mines, others wait to see what happens as an experiment of courage or naivety Ideas and vision create sparks of resistance Internal voices constantly doubting significance The polarity of dynamic opposition; the place where only the strongest survive My armour fitted and secure Vulnerabilities are known to very few, only those who could bring me down crashing to my knees As if intentionally giving them a key to my demise; the poison to be given on the eve of my success; no abort plan in place Ideas to be left behind, after the shell will be long gone As I walk toward this unknown place, I pick up …