Loner

I can only see you when you are not there

I listen through the ear of whispers

Noticing my existence, was about who I wasn’t

I wasn’t like the other boys, I wasn’t focused, I wasn’t welcome, I wasn’t good enough to fit in

I was followed, silently as if there was something to emerge, unbeknownst to I

As if walking through a field of land mines, others wait to see what happens as an experiment of courage or naivety

Ideas and vision create sparks of resistance

Internal voices constantly doubting significance

The polarity of dynamic opposition; the place where only the strongest survive

My armour fitted and secure

Vulnerabilities are known to very few, only those who could bring me down crashing to my knees

As if intentionally giving them a key to my demise; the poison to be given on the eve of my success; no abort plan in place

Ideas to be left behind, after the shell will be long gone

As I walk toward this unknown place, I pick up bird feathers, knowing others have come before me

As I look behind, I see no one in sight, yet I hear crowds of laughter

I ache with fear, as neither direction is a place I know

I take my first step; the sinking sand beneath my feet startles me

Something is calling me forward, like an invisible rope tugging

My heart wants to belong to the laughter but there is something stronger,

as there always has been

I stand alone, not lonely; a loner

Carl Meadows

January 2, 2015