Poetry
Leave a Comment

Poem: Loner

P1110330

Loner

I can only see you when you are not there

I listen through the ear of whispers

Noticing my existence, was about who I wasn’t

I wasn’t like the other boys, I wasn’t focused, I wasn’t welcome, I wasn’t good enough to fit in

I was followed, silently as if there was something to emerge, unbeknownst to I

As if walking through a field of land mines, others wait to see what happens as an experiment of courage or naivety

Ideas and vision create sparks of resistance

Internal voices constantly doubting significance

The polarity of dynamic opposition; the place where only the strongest survive

My armour fitted and secure

Vulnerabilities are known to very few, only those who could bring me down crashing to my knees

As if intentionally giving them a key to my demise; the poison to be given on the eve of my success; no abort plan in place

Ideas to be left behind, after the shell will be long gone

As I walk toward this unknown place, I pick up bird feathers, knowing others have come before me

As I look behind, I see no one in sight, yet I hear crowds of laughter

I ache with fear, as neither direction is a place I know

I take my first step; the sinking sand beneath my feet startles me

Something is calling me forward, like an invisible rope tugging

My heart wants to belong to the laughter but there is something stronger,

as there always has been

I stand alone, not lonely; a loner

Carl Meadows

January 2, 2015

Advertisements
This entry was posted in: Poetry
Tagged with: ,

by

I was born June 13, 1967. I was raised in the town of Port Coquitlam, BC within metro Vancouver. I was a non-conventional boy winning awards for choreography, dance, and led many school performance numbers before grade 6. I also competed as a figure skater and was notorious for doing cart wheels on the ice. I was bullied all through my school years and ended up going to 3 different High Schools and didn't graduate from High School as a result. This was the era of no Gay Rights in Canada. I struggled with visibility, identity and self-esteem. I am one of the lucky survivors as most of my friends died of AIDS or committed suicide. I am a prolific Poet. I graduated as a Registered Nurse in 1993 and it was one of the proudest achievements in my lifetime as it defied all those folks who said I wasn't enough. It taught me that despite hardships, I could overcome insurmountable challenges. I am committed to making the world more compassionate and doing my part by celebrating LGBT contributions to the world. Every year my husband and I host a Fall Gala for 'Out in Schools' called the 'Carl and Les Fall Gala. Part of this vision is to make sure every student in BC has the opportunity to see their self worth through LGBTQ visibility, support and action to make the world safe for everyone. I am President for the Foundation of Hope whose vision is "a world where LGBT+ refugees can live safely and be themselves". We also support a Film Series at the Vancouver Queer Film Festival called "Migrant Voices" that raises awareness of issues surrounding Refugees, Immigrants, Asylum seekers and Migrants. In my professional life, I am a Registered Nurse and a Health Services Administrator in Health Care. I live with my husband and our dog Ted.

Leave a Reply if you are inspired or moved

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s