humanism, Humanist, poerty, Poetry
Comment 1


6d05335a1f-Shame 2013

It was too dark to see much of anything, 

other than the silouette of a white sheer headscarf covering your face

I was drawn toward the cavernous darkness,

surrounded by a shadow, lit by the edges of the crescent moon

The darkness gave me an eerie comfort,

as I had been there many times before

Thinking that shame had created every waking fabric of my being,

knowing it was the pen that wrote many of my scripts

or the patches on my quilt that completed me

When I walked along side you, I could hear your footsteps,

words are unnecessary, and I know the imprints of the past are behind me

Why do you awaken so fiercely, when I am unprepared for your defening roar?

Should I numb all my humanness, to keep from succumbing to the schoolyard scars?

Your whispers unleash all my secrets, only known to me

When you startle me, I become something foreign to myself

What teachings haven’t I learned, that you persist like the plague?

Can you not live without me in a world filled with the egos of a thousand kings?

Should I once and for all, love you for eternity

so I may finally let you go

As we turned to embrace and console each other, you disappeared

As my fear of you, had been the only thing that kept you alive

The patches were meaningless without thread,

I knew then, that each piercing needle through my skin,

reminded me of who I didn’t want to be

February 11, 2016

Carl Meadows

This entry was posted in: humanism, Humanist, poerty, Poetry


I was born June 13, 1967. I was raised in the town of Port Coquitlam, BC within metro Vancouver. I was a non-conventional boy winning awards for choreography, dance, and led many school performance numbers before grade 6. I also competed as a figure skater and was notorious for doing cart wheels on the ice. I was bullied all through my school years and ended up going to 3 different High Schools and didn't graduate from High School as a result. This was the era of no Gay Rights in Canada. I struggled with visibility, identity and self-esteem. I am one of the lucky survivors as most of my friends died of AIDS or committed suicide. I graduated as a Registered Nurse in 1993 and it was one of the proudest achievements in my lifetime. It taught me that despite hardships, I could overcome insurmountable challenges. I am committed to making the world more compassionate and doing my part by celebrating LGBTQ contributions to the world. Every year my husband and I host a Fall Gala for 'Out in Schools' called the 'Fall Gala". Part of this vision is to make sure every student in BC has the opportunity to see their self worth through LGBTQ visibility, support and action to make the world safe for everyone. In my professional life, I am a Registered Nurse and a Health Services Administrator in Health Care. I live with my husband and our dog Ted in Penticton BC

1 Comment

  1. Bryer Gallacher says

    As always Carl , totally deep and certainly moving! Totally thought provoking!
    Thank you !


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