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Poem: The Eyes of Medusa

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In our world of media, this is a Poem that represents the collision between narcism, needing validation and our cultural addiction to connection, leading to our increasing social isolation.

The Eyes of Medusa

Who has seen the eyes of Medusa?
Ugliness so profound it turns your human shell to stone
The same ugliness rooted in self-hate
A paradox to behold when vanity infects your vision of the world
Who has lead your soul to the reflective pond?
A “selfie”, “facebook post”, “instagram”; imagery to be worshiped
Who is the nemesis that draws us toward this curse?
So strong is the pull, the internal death is slow and insidious
A cruel irony; insatiable hunger for validation
An eternally empty bowl
A world moves on without us
the lure pulls you towards the waters edge
like an invisible rope around our neck
Transfixed by our very own insecurities
Time shows itself soon enough
Once stunning and youthful
The ultimate paradox
Staring at your reflection to realize
you are looking into the eyes of Medusa

Carl Meadows
February 21, 2014

Nursing Stories: Bedside lessons from the dying

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In my role as a Registered Nurse there are many stories that have shaped my existence as a human. There was a woman named Yvette who would not accept Home Care nursing services and she was referred to me under the auspices of “Carl this lady is in bad shape and no one has been able to make inroads, can you see if you can persuade her to let us help her? Her daughter is stressed and can’t do what is needed with her care”. Yvette had Kidney cancer and had nephrostomy tubes and was palliative (she was going to die within a short period of time). When I met Yvette she wouldn’t let me past her door chain. She asked me what I wanted and I told her that I was a home care nurse and I understood she didn’t need me, and I was just there to irrigate her tubes and I promised I wouldn’t expect any conversation with her. After a minute the chain dropped and she let me in. She told me she didn’t need anyone and I told her I agreed with her. I said I was just there to fix her tubes. The second visit she let me in and I asked her what was important to her and she told me her daughter was important. I noticed she was very week and very proud. I asked her if she wanted me to comb her hair for her daughters visit and she said yes but “I don’t need a nurse” she said, and I agreed. I told her I would only do her hair. The third visit changed everything as she asked me to sit on the edge of her bed and she shared that her husband had given her Ovarian cancer and as a result of infidelity, she contracted HPV. He was the only man she was with. She told me an amazing story about her journey in France as a nun and how she met her husband. She was French. She was ashamed as embarrassed. I grabbed her hand and listened. She started to cry. I left thinking that I had just had “one of those moments” where someone has shared a personal treasure. The remaining visits were about her asking me to help her. It became one of my favourite visits and we talked lots while I was changing her tubes and cleaning her up. One day I got called that Yvette was on the Palliative unit and her daughter said, in between consciousness, Yvette had asked for me. I arrived at her bedside and she was in a coma. I remember the moment when I was holding her hand and she squeezed it as hard as she could and tears were coming from her eyes that were shut. I sat with her for 2 hours. The next day her daughter phoned me to tell me her Mother had passed and left me a few mementos. I shared that I couldn’t take them as my relationship with her mom was amazing and it was a gift unto itself. This gift is being shared now. The lesson is to never judge a book by its cover and always know there is beauty in everyone.

Poem: The Spiders Lair

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There are many times in life where there is something emotional and visceral going on within ourselves and the perception of events supersede the reality; This is where fear and possibility meet~Life’s great intersection.

The Spiders Lair

As I stood on the precipice and opened my wings

My heart began to dance and my soul to sing

With boundless possibilities and an open sky

I stepped out from the ledge, and closed my eyes

The wind pulled me up and the current gave me a lift

Who would have thought the winds, would suddenly shift?

What seemed like a lifetime, would abruptly stop

Suddenly peering into haunting eyes, stuck in one spot

Shards of color canvas resting in unfamiliar bundles

Night seemed like day, and day seemed like night

Waiting in fear of the terrible bite

Time became endless and glaring became normal

Would I die in this place, or realize my dreams of tomorrow

Would these eyes even care to see my possibility and hope

Or would it focus on spinning me with the sticky silk rope

Time drained my soul like an invisible leak

When you took your final bite

there was nothing left, but a distant memory of me

I closed my eyes and drifted away

When my time had come there was nothing left to say

I stood on the precipice and opened my wings

As I was never there to see those things

Carl Meadows

May 8, 2014

Poem: His-Story

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Here is the story of a man who said yes (Jim Deva) to my request in 2001 to go door-to-door collecting funds for the Aaron Webster Reward Fund. We eventually collected 12,000 and had the Police Board match the donations. Prior to this, the Vancouver City Police were not allies of the gay community. The work with the Vancouver City Police, Jim Deva and myself was the epicentre for the Community Policing Offices, and the GLBT Liaison Position with the Police. At his memorial service I realized how much the world changed.

His-story

I heard his-story fall on the floor today

I scrambled to put the memories in sequence

Those early days when we didn’t understand the magnitude of our calling

Standing in the fierce wind of resistance

We were not alone

The vision was transforming in front of our eyes

I heard history fall on the floor today and cried with joy

The world changed and we forgot to thank her

Today was one thousand thank-yous

Carl Meadows
September 27, 2014

Poem: The Year I grew Up

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This is a poem about growing up (not getting older) and realizing we all want to feel alive and beautiful

The year I grew up

This was the year I finally grew up
Like climbing a mountain; gasping at the view from the top
Moments of molting anguish and pain
Once in a lifetime’s enough, my heart couldn’t do it over again
Is it one of those wonders that our fathers have shared?
Yet never added the words, knowing the man tribe eventually go there
I wished the words had fallen on me in earlier years
A right of passage, filled with thorns, and roses
Looking for raindrops of wisdom: there must have been a drought
Was it the modern day metaphor and the ingredients I missed?
The sports car, the lover and dinners with tricks
Afraid to realize I’m no longer 36
Where did youth go, did it tumble away?
Did I think my body and youth would just be held at bay?
My time had come, I knew it was here, I was standing on the ledge; waiting
When youth took my hand and crossed me over the bridge
The warnings to stare straight ahead went unheeded at times
Like a child on his first day of school, watching his mom walk away
The ache of fear, the doubt of being loved stuck to my skin like oil
Would I reach for the moon, carving an unchartered path
Or would I shrivel and die in a red sports car crash
This was the year I finally grew up
And now that I’m here, I feel totally loved

Carl Meadows
January 23, 2014

Humanism: He for She Campaign #heforshe

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Someone asked me recently if my signature of wearing Stilettos to worthy events was about showmanship or whether there was a deeper purpose. I shared that Stilettos are a metaphor for female power and a symbol of social construction. I watched Emma Watson’s Speech (#Heforshe) at the United Nation sharing her experience of Feminism and the impacts of stereotypes on both, men and women. Men over 28 years old in England are the most likely to commit suicide and the second cause of death for men between 28 and 48 years of age. My vision is that the day men are liberated and deconstructed from the pedagogy of masculinity. Only then will women be equal to men, as it is the social construction of gender that oppresses both women and men. I will wear heals and a moustache until no one cares.

The Poet and the Farmer

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Carl and Les represent two different generations of gay men; the poet and the farmer. Carl was raised in the town of Port Coquitlam where he was a non-conventional boy winning awards for choreography as he performed many school dance numbers before grade 7. He was bullied all through his schools years. Les grew up in Trochu, Alberta and never knew what the word gay until he moved to Calgary in his late teens. This was the era of no Gay Rights in Canada. Both men struggled with visibility, identity and self-esteem growing up. Carl and Les are committed to making the world more compassionate and committed to doing their part by celebrating GLBT contributions to the world. The annual Fall Gala is part of this vision to make sure every student in BC has the opportunity to see their self worth through GLBT visibility, support and action to make the world safe for everyone through supporting Out in Schools. This is our commitment. Come help us change the world.

Poem: Saturn

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Essential Distance and closeness in Love: the paradox. In my life and relationship with my husband of 25 years I have always been in a paradox of needing love and closeness and space and distance simultaneously. This poem is about the essential distance and the importance on individuality.

Saturn

With a naked eye, the rings can go unnoticed,

Despite such brilliance

Solitude, solid and perfectly you

At times cold and fiercely independent

Do you ever want to see me with all my imperfections?

If so, give me a sign

You never truly touch the wonder

A peripheral longing that evades contact

Loyalty displayed for an eternity

Your presence is always there

The rings create utmost magnificence

Heartsick that the distance remains

Over time, you learned to stand in love

Oh Saturn, how can such distance create a lifelong peace?

Close up, the rings are nothing but small meaningless pieces

Standing back they are so beautiful and mesmerizing

Please share your wisdom

I will constantly orbit around you for eternity

Knowing you see me

Knowing we complete each other

It’s that you are there

That I can close my eyes and breathe

Carl Meadows

March 21, 2014

Dedicated to Les

Poem: Petal

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This is a Poem about friendship and letting go. Sometimes we have Friendships that last a lifetime and some are there for just a moment or two. Its about learning to live and enjoy the moments. Here is a poem that speaks to wanting to feel like we belong, yet knowing fate has its own course to take.

Petal

The glistening sun on your vibrant cluster of beauty

made your petals seem like forever

The fragrance, the colour, the magnificence

The wind seemed unrelenting in its force

When the storm had passed, I saw half of what was, remaining

Scrambling to pick up the petals, I knew it was only time

As I held you in my hands, I knew I had no moisture to save you

The salt from my body would burn your tender skin

No antidotes left

Your edges started to turn inward, and I knew then, you needed to go

I closed my eyes and remembered what was so beautiful and complete

And I needed to let you go where there is moisture to replenish your remaining time

I cupped my hand, laid you gently in the pond and walked away with a heavy heart

Your beauty and fragrance will be forged in my soul for eternity

The place where your petals will last forever

Carl Meadows

September 10, 2014

Lessons in Leadership

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I have been in formal and non-formal leadership roles for most of my life. I have had amazing role models and mentors guiding me through life. I have also become both a role model and mentor to many over my career and personal life.

The term “Leadership” is often described as a role, and yet I see it more as a verb. I see examples of leadership in every context, from community activism, to activities within formal roles and I have come to learn that leadership is a set of activities or behaviors that demonstrate courage and integrity. In other words the alignment of what we say, measured against what we do (our behaviours).

Leaders “do things”.

It is about being the person you need to be, unapologetically; the world will test true leaders by constantly telling you what you’re not, in order to have you conform to the status quo. Over the years, I have had many up and coming young leaders ask me what makes someone a successful leader. I am not wiser than anyone else, however, I do have some generational wisdom based on my life experience I have shared.

Most recently, I was coaching a young leader at work who asked if there were specific words of wisdom to share to be successful in their work and private life. Here is what I came up with and actions that have guided me in my leadership journey:

Words of Experience

1. Your actions define your character, not your words

2. Treat people as they want to be treated (it means you have ask them)

3. Commitment is your strongest currency

4. Your next big break will be a result of how kindly you treated the dishwasher, maid and janitor

5. Be nice to everyone on the way up the ladder as they are the same people on the way down

6. Using email or text to convey a sensitive message is like a gazelle prancing past a pack of hyenas to avoid the longer route and hoping to get to the watering hole sooner (it won’t end well).

7. Love is a verb

8. When people talk about you (good, bad and other) it means you are relevant.

9. Expectations are premeditated resentments

10. Be kind to yourself, and compassionate to others

11. You are not listening unless you are willing to change your mind ~ Joe Nasmyth