Author: Carl Meadows R.N. BSN, MA

Poem: Mother

Posted with permission. As I prepare to give my mom her 7 year sobriety cake on Tuesday evening, I wanted to share one of my most personal poems. I asked my mom if I could share the poem I wrote her after her first year when she was presented with her medallion and she said yes. Mother As a little boy you held my hand You protected me fiercely You took a stand As a sensitive child you wiped my face From the tears of discrimination That my spirit couldn’t face You held me up for the world to see Loving me as I was You saw the beauty in me Over the years, the spirit became poisoned By the drink of choice Despite the warning voices My child inside wanted to curl up and die As any evening with the drink would be soon be filled with lies I let down my mom What a terrible son Could you not see it coming? Was the rant I kept running. Not from a judgmental son …

Poem: If tomorrow didn’t come

If tomorrow didn’t come Today’s a day like any day Did I walk past a bird and forget to notice its song Did I worry about something meaningless that’s faded away, and now gone Did I forget to let my parents know I love them more now, than ever before Did I forget to tell my lover “I love you” before I closed the door Did I forget to tell my sisters how much they mean to me All our childhood memories That created the man I became to be Did I forget to tell grandma how much she meant Was it too late when I came through the door, to see her time clock was spent What if tomorrow didn’t arrive Would I have spent all my “I love you’s” Or have a stockpile inside Every second, of every day this story plays out Have you expressed your love or sadly held out If tomorrow didn’t come, what would you do? Do it today, as the hourglass may be staring at you Carl Meadows …

Poem: They came in the night

In 2010 my husband and I, took our 3 nieces to Berlin and visited Sachsenhausen death camp where over 6000 Gays were killed. Under article 175 of the penal code they were arrested by the SS. The irony, is the niece that grabbed my hand and said; “uncle it will be ok” while I was sobbing, came out of the closet as lesbian years later. I will never forget. They came in the night As I walked thought the gates of this horrible place Wondering how many like me had marched, on their untimely fait As the SS came, sweeping homes in the night To take gays away to an unknown site A place far away, so cold and grey When lovers are separated so quickly, what could they say? Could love be such a crime that you would murder for the third Reich? As hands crossed hands, and eyes met eyes Station Z became the final stop for those who refused to lie As my feet walked along the camp of others destiny How …

Poem: Loner

Loner I can only see you when you are not there I listen through the ear of whispers Noticing my existence, was about who I wasn’t I wasn’t like the other boys, I wasn’t focused, I wasn’t welcome, I wasn’t good enough to fit in I was followed, silently as if there was something to emerge, unbeknownst to I As if walking through a field of land mines, others wait to see what happens as an experiment of courage or naivety Ideas and vision create sparks of resistance Internal voices constantly doubting significance The polarity of dynamic opposition; the place where only the strongest survive My armour fitted and secure Vulnerabilities are known to very few, only those who could bring me down crashing to my knees As if intentionally giving them a key to my demise; the poison to be given on the eve of my success; no abort plan in place Ideas to be left behind, after the shell will be long gone As I walk toward this unknown place, I pick up …

Poem: Stepping into me

Stepping into me I wonder who I’d be if I stepped into me Would I watch the setting sun, close my eyes and smell the sea Who would I be, if I set my worries free? Throw them up to the air for others to see What would I do if I stepped into you? Have a conversation; one, maybe two? What would I do, if I just made the time? Embrace my one life or crumble and die? What would it look like, if I lived life for me? Would the baggage I’ve carried finally drop free? What would integrity look like, if it were something to watch? Would I fly like a kite, or sting like a wasp? What if my nectar had everything to give? Nourish a poet, a writer, a friend? Walking away from authenticity and trust, Is like a masterpiece sculpture waiting to rust What if I am, what I needed to be? Would you comfort my heart, when my soul is set free? What would I do to get …

Poem: Insignificant

Insignificant As I walked towards what I thought was a dry lake bed, I froze as I dropped the glass The seconds were counted by the beat of my heart, the crash startled the birds, the wind from their wings was felt on my tender skin I stood frozen in two worlds; in front of a lake that once was, the coolness of the moisture seeping underneath my parched feet and the quench of thirst Each step would require grief to consume me. The shards of glass would reignite memories of you, as I walked towards the grail in search of something greater than me As I turned away, I lifted my arm to protect me from your blinding light My insignificance became daunting; I closed my eyes and hoped for a moment of being wanted Did I drink the poison or was it always there; the broken glass, the drought, the malaise As I lifted myself off of what used to be an oasis, now stood as a wasteland As I opened my eyes, …

Poem: Cinderella Man

Cinderella Man As I looked into your icy blue eyes, your instructions were abundantly clear As you touched my skin and whispered the words; I knew it was for a day and not for years As you turned around and walked away, you gave me a smirk that etched in my brain And then there was me standing, wondering, dreaming I pushed the doors with all my might, and the vision of elation sat in front of me like a golden temple With my external armour and the whispers of possibility, I emerged alone My beauty was currency, my charm was wealth, and my fragrance had the flowers bend their ways to reach me The clock tower began to sway and the dial went into slow motion as I could see what no one else could; my external facade was about to crumble The prince didn’t have time to say goodbye and my run through the moonlit Forest became haunting, as each branch and thorn tore my skin, reminding me of who I wasn’t The …

Poem: The Men of Los Lomas

This poem doesn’t need any intro, only that it captures the experience of our human life when moments emerge and we realize beauty and passion is abundant and comes when we least expect it. The Men of Los Lomas Longing for adventure, watching for signs The invitation appeared as an oasis in the parched heat Lust covered me with an insatiable hunger Shimmering sunlight on moist skin; Masculinity and torsos as beautiful as mahogany trees Ocean spray sobering my memory of young love; childhood spirit awaken Did my beauty emerge long enough to remember it? Did I find the men of Los Lomas or did they find me? Missing many words, finding language in sensuality Was it the beginning or the end? Photographs undeveloped; pictures only appear in my dreams My heart ached to say good-bye; the infamous kiss The men of Los Lomas; the men or the metaphor, permanently etched in my heart forever Carl Meadows January 12, 2013