All posts filed under: Humanist

The Last Page

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As I sat with the notes in front of me, I trembled to turn the last page Knowing there was nowhere else to go, the ink would soon run it’s course The fear of forgetting the past or at worst, forgiving the path travelled to arrive at tomorrow’s yesterday; I closed my eyes As that single tear, cut a path down my war lines of wear and age, I realized the magnitude of moving forward The final chapter would be closed forever; it will be for the rest of man to open her page long after my demise I touched the ink to the page and the solemn tear dripped from my chin and I smiled, as I knew this time had arrived a long time ago It was the waiting that caused me to ache, as I wrote the final word “goodbye” and closed the page for eternity, never to wonder again Carl Meadows July 10, 2015

Poem: The Space Between Us

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Sometimes in life, emotions and love sneak up on you and all of a sudden we are staring fear in the face. There are many cross roads in love, and all of a sudden we have to make heart wrenching decisions and sometimes we knew from the first kiss that love was doomed but we needed it in that moment. The Space Between Us Lying so close, I couldn’t tell whose heart was beating louder Whiskers scraping the surface, feelings dredging the depths You are my kryptonite, taking all my vulnerabilities I had left Why was the untalking so intense, was the space between us so unfamiliar, Did we want to say something but couldn’t, because emotions were foreign? Was my embrace not big enough; is my love not recognizable, am I missing some obvious signs? When I saw you the second time, a cavernous ravine opened up in front of me Did I find my Holy Grail, or a wound from my past that couldn’t heal? The stronger the love the deeper the hurt; …

Poem: Jumping on the Rocks

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Jumping on the rocks Here’s a wee tale about me as a boy, I dreamed of flying but my mother warned That I would scrape my head or end up dead But in the end, I played in puff the magic dragon instead There came a time where I had to say good bye, To friends I had, adventures I made; off to a new journey in a land far away My hands broke way, to the friends I had made I dreamed real big as I left my spot, Jumping and singing, of to the next rock My hands broke way, to the friends I had made But I looked to the next and I could see my dreams far away As I jumped on the rocks, with my biological clock, I could hear the ticking and my skin began shrinking My dreams not far away, what could I say? Jumping on the rocks, leaving the past Creating space for tomorrows dreamers Adding new rocks to the river as I create a new path …

Poem: The illusion of masculinity

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The illusion of masculinity Surfacing from the ashes, my stubble and mustache appeared Once a secret only known to me, I could now become whole and complete as I showed my masculine prowess Sculpted with muscles and a scent of musk, my hunger gripped me like a mirage; eating through the eyes of lust was an ultimate betrayal The power I felt knowing I was wanted, superseded the wisdom it took to be a man All I could do was imagine the possibility of shaking the male world into submission The ultimate image of power and confidence a few feet in front of me I reached into my leather sack and pulled out the most threatening weapon of all I placed them on my feet and walked amongst the crowds My masculinity caused a severe vulnerability amongst men The heals would threaten the most iconic images of manhood As I lifted my head amongst such fascination and distain, I rose above them all; I turned my head and walked into the future The illusion of masculinity …

Poem: Mother

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Posted with permission. As I prepare to give my mom her 7 year sobriety cake on Tuesday evening, I wanted to share one of my most personal poems. I asked my mom if I could share the poem I wrote her after her first year when she was presented with her medallion and she said yes. Mother As a little boy you held my hand You protected me fiercely You took a stand As a sensitive child you wiped my face From the tears of discrimination That my spirit couldn’t face You held me up for the world to see Loving me as I was You saw the beauty in me Over the years, the spirit became poisoned By the drink of choice Despite the warning voices My child inside wanted to curl up and die As any evening with the drink would be soon be filled with lies I let down my mom What a terrible son Could you not see it coming? Was the rant I kept running. Not from a judgmental son …

Poem: A Drift at Sea

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Sometimes in relationship there are periods when one partner needs to drift for a while to find out who they are; the strongest relationships understand when drifting is essential for renewal and lets the process occur without trying to rescue. Drift At Sea Hands holding each other, fingers letting go Hearts attached Running along the shore, I can see your eyes meeting mine As I drift at Sea Can you hear my heart beating for you as my glance turns away toward the setting sun? Sands shifting, tides are restless Drifting in darkness with moon watching over me In the distance, I can hear your beating heart I close my eyes and feel your warmth within the tepid water I open my heart and feel your stare as I drift away Drifting away at sea, will you wait for me? I can hear my heavy breath as the water covers my face I feel your arms and chest on my back; eyes open wide I feel your beating heart, tasting your sweet lips against mine …

Poem: Misery

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I believe in living a human life; this means sharing all the vulnerabilities of the human condition.  Perceptions and obsessions of happiness can alienate the most basic human emotion and can add to the struggle of finding peace with ourselves. Misery finds itself in a world of secrets. Misery As I walked past you, I heard you whisper my name I begged you not to stare at me, as your scent brought you back to life You pulled me in, and I could feel your fingers touch my skin The moment you touched me, I felt a draft that I evaded as long as I could An ache so deep and heavy, I collapsed from the weight Please spare me the pain of loving you again, and let me go As you scratch my skin, make sure you take all that you can, as it will feed your insatiable appetite of me As I walked to the door, tears stung my cheeks like acid and my heart slowly stopped beating As I pushed the gates of …

Leadership: The A B C’s of Clear Communication

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I went for a walk with a good friend recently. He shared that one of the greatest gifts I ever gave him was the book by Gervase Bushe called Clear Leadership. He started telling me about how it transformed every aspect of his communication and how it has influenced the way he shows up in every spectrum of his Career and Personal life. I thought I would share the basics of one of the the Tools in the book called “The Experience Cube”. When you master this, you will officially be able to “Walk the CUBE”. The ABC’s of Walking the CUBE When you have an experience that affects you through a “Pinch” (an unpleasant feeling) or something that is sitting with you following an event, that you continue to “think about” past midnight, you probably may want to consider having a Learning Conversation. Consider first if the relationship is required (Professionally may affect team dynamics) or a personal relationship (where there is caring involved). People make up stories and draw conclusions based on assumptions and then …

Nursing Stories: Bedside lessons from the dying

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In my role as a Registered Nurse there are many stories that have shaped my existence as a human. There was a woman named Yvette who would not accept Home Care nursing services and she was referred to me under the auspices of “Carl this lady is in bad shape and no one has been able to make inroads, can you see if you can persuade her to let us help her? Her daughter is stressed and can’t do what is needed with her care”. Yvette had Kidney cancer and had nephrostomy tubes and was palliative (she was going to die within a short period of time). When I met Yvette she wouldn’t let me past her door chain. She asked me what I wanted and I told her that I was a home care nurse and I understood she didn’t need me, and I was just there to irrigate her tubes and I promised I wouldn’t expect any conversation with her. After a minute the chain dropped and she let me in. She told …

Poem: The Year I grew Up

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This is a poem about growing up (not getting older) and realizing we all want to feel alive and beautiful The year I grew up This was the year I finally grew up Like climbing a mountain; gasping at the view from the top Moments of molting anguish and pain Once in a lifetime’s enough, my heart couldn’t do it over again Is it one of those wonders that our fathers have shared? Yet never added the words, knowing the man tribe eventually go there I wished the words had fallen on me in earlier years A right of passage, filled with thorns, and roses Looking for raindrops of wisdom: there must have been a drought Was it the modern day metaphor and the ingredients I missed? The sports car, the lover and dinners with tricks Afraid to realize I’m no longer 36 Where did youth go, did it tumble away? Did I think my body and youth would just be held at bay? My time had come, I knew it was here, I was …